Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
