shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Success! We fucked roommates!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
