Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
