Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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