another moral hangover. fuck.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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