Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
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