im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
