Can Purell be used as lube?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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