You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
