I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Randomize
