i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
