The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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