I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
