My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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