Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
