i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
