i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We were destined to go to rehab together
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
