I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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