I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
