Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I see more hoeing in ur future
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