yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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