Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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