Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
