remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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