In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
