So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
