i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
