You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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