i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
