So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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