I am in a vortex of obligation.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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