I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
