I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
