whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
