She is in my trunk
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
