We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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