I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
