Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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