my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
