Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
