the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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