I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
