wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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