When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
