I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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