thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
