I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
