And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
