marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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