I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
