I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
