Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
