She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
