Im at strip club and am horny
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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