alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
