dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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